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Thursday, November 6, 2014
Dating A Professional Woman (PODCAST)
It's safe to say, that for the most part, men are drawn to women leading purpose-filled lives, as seen in their dreams, aspirations, and goals. It can also be said that a large majority of men want to be with a woman who is holding her own professionally and economically. BUT, many men are finding out that dating a career-driven woman can have its share of challenges, as observed in common complaints like, "she never has time to do anything", "she brings all of her work issues home", and "she bosses me around like I'm an employee". What is a man to do? Was Women's Liberation man's worst enemy? Or should professional women do a better job separating career from home? In this episode the FreeLunch Guys, along with a Special Guest, discuss this dilemma that men are facing in 2014.
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I can only speak for me....to my knowledge (as someone who believes in self evaluation), I don't bring the male emasculating mindset home nor is my ego is tied to my job title. I'm more of the Work Hard, Play Hard type! I'm EXTREMELY Driven but I also FIRMLY Believe in Work/Life balance, relaxing when I get home & enjoying time with my man, family or friends.
ReplyDeleteI don't agree that age...matures people. People mature because they are open to Self Evaluation & Growth. It's a decision! My Dad died in a car accident & living through the emotional pain of losing the 1st man I ever LOVED unconditionally (and I was The Definition of a Daddy's Girl), changed my heart...for the better for my future husband! Seeing my Dad die at 65 (when he was due to retire in 2 more months), changed my whole perspective on Work & the precious Value of the people I Love. Yes, we got to work! I have no plans to ever be a Housewife! I enjoying making my own money but....because of the sudden loss via car accident, I'm Laser Focused on seizing Every Opportunity with the people I love! To me...home life is way more important than what I did at work or my job title...simply because I don't give a damn about my co-workers! Let me clarify...I like most of my co-workers but my heart, is at home with the people that I Love & that transcends into a dating relationship.
I want to use my time (which is my life), creating memories with my family & boyfriend; doing activities together, traveling, vacationing & having time to just enjoy conversation, hear their laugh & gaze at their smile! And guess what.....I'm still what society calls an Independent Professional Women.
I actually see the Independent Woman phrase as slightly chauvinistic. What I am, is a Responsible adult...period!!! Why some women brag on handling adult responsibility.. thinking we're owed or due special recognition for doing things that Responsible adults do, baffles me.... Hence, the ego trip (which is a Red Flag), that some men say they encounter with "Independent Professional Women". A responsible female adult...pays her own bills, makes her own money, has her own house, car & etc. No kudos, for being an adult!!! When a man does this, he's just "being a man" but when a woman does it she's....an Independent Professional Woman (as if to say she's reached a level that women are incapable of achieving because we lack the brains to figure out survival). No...I'm a Responsible Adult just like my Responsible Adult male counterparts; I'm thier equal & there's nothing more to prove when we're equal!
DeleteSoooo maybe these women "ego tripping women" aren't Equally Yoked with the men they're dating or worse..they're dealing with some bigger yet hidden underlying issues that they've yet to deal with (I've Always said... You can't be 100 with anyone else until you've learned to be 100 with yourself!!!) Meaning...we have to learn to acknowlege & then deal with our own dysfunctions / insecurities before we're ready to enter a dating relationship.
That being said, I could care less about my job title! As a matter of fact, I'm actively working on a plan to exit the Corporate America "hamster wheel". I'm working towards becoming self employed so I can be my own boss, in preparation for the next phase of my life: becoming a wife & mom. I'm positioning myself so I can call my own shots, create my own work hours & gain even greater control of my work/life schedule. Believe it or not Gentleman....my goal is, to have time to devote towards: raising my children, being a supportive wife, taking care of my mom as she ages (the same way I saw my Dad take care of my grandfather before he died) & I want to help my husband take care of his parents; while still brining a Substantial income to the house. I see it as an honor to "be there" for the people I love. I don't want to be in a position where I can't: attend my child's school function or support my husband in whatever he has going on or not be able to take my mom/my husband's parents to their doctors appointment (when they're older) because I'm soooo consumed with a career that doesn't afford me with enough vacation days nor mental relaxation, to love on the people that mean the most to me. That's just NOT...the life I see for myself!!!
What I bring home from work is totally different than the focus of frustration expressed in this blog. For the last 10 years, I've repetitively experienced being the only black person in most of the jobs I’ve had. I've literally sat in meetings, looked around the table & thought…”Does anybody else notice, I’m the only black person in this room or at this meeting? Am I the only black person this company has hired (for this position)”? Thus, it’s not men that I’m competing against nor is it older people that I’m having to prove myself to; it’s White People: white men, white women, younger white men & women and older white men & women.
ReplyDeleteIt’s the comments (that don’t happen often, yet once is more than enough), that I’ve had to endure as the ONLY black person on the team or in the meeting. So I cope/fit-in by turning on my “white girl” voice at work; stepping up my English because I already know…I’m being judged from the time I walk in the room, by how I’m dressed & how I enunciate my words when I speak. I’ll never forget…I was meeting one of my co-workers for lunch & an older White gentleman walked up to me and asked “are you an Attorney?” I said…no! And he says, “oh…you’re just dressed so nice”. Mind you there were other white people at the restaurant who were also dressed in a suit & he didn't ask any of them if they were an Attorney. It’s how Doctors have stopped me in the middle of my presentations & ask “where are you from? Where did you grow up? You speak so well!” Or how I was vacationing in Sydney, Australia (only saw one other black person the entire time I was in Sydney) & was randomly called the “N” word by a white Australian man & told to “go eat watermelon”. I’m clearly the one who had the money to leave the US & vacation in Sydney while his ass is in Australia & from Australia…knows absolutely nothing about me yet got the urge to walk up to me, ask if I’m from “The States” & say the “N” word.
So Hell… talk about a man not liking it when the woman he’s with think she’s gonna come home & talk to him like a subordinate. How do you think white people in the South….feel about the black person at work who has to stand her ground, speak up in the meetings or on the conference calls, state her case & then…re-state her case with supporting evidence or logic when they disagree. I’ve had to learn how to be firm, direct & yet gentle in my tone, by utilizing my “white girl voice”. So for me...it's not the Boys Club that I'm having to break into at work, it's proving that I can effectively function in White America. And the thing I bring home from work is my "white girl voice". Whenever I feel uncomfortable or nervous, I automatically switch over to this voice, that isn't my own.
Men and women have had to evolve in general to meet the needs of their families, job expectations as well as the aging population (parents and extended families). So to say the millennium woman is too INDEPENDENT and having a negative impact on the circle of life, I would say is just not TRUE. I would convey that she is simply meeting the demands of society – picking up the slack, standing in the gap, if you will, to be a help mate and soul mate as God design. But when the needs in society are not being met or order followed for whatever reason, the new age- EVOLVED woman is ready, not wanting anyone to lack, hurt or be left behind (all things considered). So when the order is reset, the balance is restored for her to only assist, give her a break if it takes her a minute to dial it down.
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