Now this statement in many ways makes sense, and even the most jaded dream could not hinder minimal understanding of where Lisa was coming from. She'd been too vulnerable, too fast with the wrong person..and now trust and respect for men had been diminished. So for any man seeking a relationship with her, he would have to prove himself worthy of a place in her life. As a subscriber to common sense, I totally agree that respect is to be earned, and that we as men should be willing to do the necessary things to earn and keep a lady's respect.
However, the challenge that most of us face today is knowing when our efforts are being appreciated and not taken advantage of. In my opinion the period of courtship should be made up of both parties expressing their interests in one another. During this time there should be a balance with no one person putting forth more than the other.
Unfortunately, courting has been socially accepted as a man driven activity, where the guy steps on the stage to put on his best performance (roses, dates, meals, opening doors..etc), while she sits in the audience waiting to be entertained. You often hear people say that it's the man's JOB to court the woman. (Do ladies have any responsibilities?) The scene is similar to amateur night at the Apollo theatre, and the guy is anxiously waiting to see if his performance will get the applause or the Sandman.
For a man there's no greater vulnerability than putting yourself on the line, putting in major effort, and not receiving any feedback on if what you're doing is being well received. But what made my situation with Lisa worse, was the fact that "Before I could know her, I had to show her.."
The REALITY of this was that the outings, the convos, the texts were all targeted at making her comfortable enough to grant me entry into who she was as a person. I was literally having to tear down a Great Wall before I could even START getting to know her. - WTF. Just think about how exhausting that is, when you're bringing your real self to the table, only to converse with the stunt double hoping the performance is good enough to earn an invitation to meet the real person.
Initially with a dreamer's desire to make this thing happen, I was okay with the parameters that had been set. My stance was whatever it takes to get to know you, I'm with it..but after time, REALITY showed me that I had totally set myself up to be a sole contributor to the courtship. I had put myself on the stage..The situation was not in balance and I was now at a huge disadvantage. I had been giving the goods to a stranger. I was literally saying, I wish I could know you, but since I don't, I'm still going to show you how interested I am in you. Ironic and oxymoronic at the same damn time. And talk about a major gamble by putting energy and desire into something that I could possibly NOT want when it was all said and done--- WTF
The DREAM had me going...trying to knock down a wall only to win over someone that wasn't ready for me to know the real them. I was doing my best tap and sing, until the Sandman (Reality) came. Cue the music..(continued in Part 4) --- BG
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